Grasping Thorns

“But he who dares not grasp the thorn Should never crave the rose." ― A. Brontë

Category: Feminism

Oops. Sorry, all.

So . . . I forgot to update my blog when I moved to writing for Bustle and then Daily Kos (a Dissident Voice is thrown in here, too). I imagined that everyone who read me here would read me there by following my Facebook links (like H&G’s breadcrumbs). But, some of my readers here aren’t as Facebook crazed as I am. 🙂

I’m still writing, though! Here’s a list of things I’ve penned, along with where to find me now.

April 28th: The Baltimore Riots Should Remind White People To Listen And Act — Not Judge Protestors

May 5th: Why Responding To Bigotry In Facebook Comments Matters

May 7th: On Mother’s Day, Remembering My Daughter’s Birth Mom

June 17th: God is Disappointed in You is a Book Every Evangelical Christian Should Read

June 18th: That Moment When Your Friend Finds a Bullet Hole over Her Son’s Room

June 19th: The Charleston Church Massacre and “Making It Right”

June 20th: Disturbing Conservative Commentary: A Compilation

June 21st: An Open Letter to Governor Haley

June 23rd: Dear Governor Haley, Part 2

June 24th: This is What “Discussion” Looks Like in America Today — And Why It Must Change

June 26th: Senator Pinckney, President Obama, and New Eyes for Seeing

July 14th: The Importance of Remembering “It’s Not About [Your Name Here]”

July 16th: A Mass Shooting Hits Home — Again.

July 19th: A New Southern Wedding Tradition: Yes, I Wish I Were Kidding

July 24th: It’s Our Fault People Are Dying: American Gun Culture and the Myth of Personal Responsibility

July 29th: Dr. Walter Palmer, Lion Killer: Meet Lawrence Anthony, Elephant Whisperer

July 31st: Last Night, I Watched Two Videos: Planned Parenthood’s and Sam DuBose’s

August 6th: Release Time Bible Programs Are Invading Public Schools. God Help Us.

August 15th: God Got A Dog: Another Book That Evangelical Christians Should Read

August 19th: Sacrificing Our Children’s Lives: America and Her Guns

September 4th: American Exceptionalism as Exceptionally Bad … Also: How to Make It Better

September 5th: Dear America: Stop. Painting. Bullets. Holes. On. Our Kids’. Heads.

In short, it’s been a bloody, busy summer.

If you want more fire for your rage-machine, start following my Daily Kos page.

love to all my readers. xoxo

 

 

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Why the Hobby Lobby Case is NOT a “Pro-life” Victory — despite what Conservative Christians Might Claim

Since the Supreme Court struck a decisive blow against women’s reproductive rights last Monday — by granting Hobby Lobby exemption from providing emergency contraception (Plan B and Ella) and IUDs (both the hormonal and copper variety) as part of employee healthcare coverage, my Facebook Newsfeed has been awash with conservative Christians celebrating a “pro-life” victory.

When a friend and I bemoaned the ruling, one of these conservative Christians responded: “So you’re in favor of abortion?” — to which I replied, “The National Center for Health Statistics published a study that showed contraceptive use (including emergency contraception and IUDs) decreased by a third the number of abortions in two decades; so, actually, those on the side of Hobby Lobby seem to be the ones ‘in favor of abortion.'”

Not to say that I don’t believe that women should have access to legal and safe abortion. I do.

Even most conservatives admit that in some cases — incest, rape, and when the mother’s life is in danger — they do too. In those instances, most want access to a safe, legal abortion, and one without judgment, for their sisters, wives, and daughters.

What they don’t realize: the rhetoric they use when discussing abortion, rife with judgment, makes even those instances for which they’d make exceptions less likely to end well for the mother involved.

Mikki Kendall writes eloquently about her harrowing ordeal, when she experienced a placental abruption at 20 weeks and was denied a life-saving abortion by the attending doctor; thankfully a concerned nurse called in another doctor willing to perform the surgery:

“I don’t know if [the attending doctor’s] objections were religious or not; all I know is that when a bleeding woman was brought to him for treatment he refused to do the only thing that could stop the bleeding. Because he didn’t do abortions. Ever.

My two kids at home almost lost their mother because someone decided that my life was worth less than that of a fetus that was going to die anyway. My husband had told them exactly what my regular doctor said, and the ER doctor had already warned us what would have to happen. Yet none of this mattered when confronted by the idea that no one needs an abortion. You shouldn’t need to know the details of why a woman aborts to trust her to make the best decision for herself. I don’t regret my abortion, but I would also never use my situation to suggest that the only time another woman should have the procedure is when her life is at stake. After my family found out I’d had an abortion, I got a phone call from a cousin who felt the need to tell me I was wrong to have interfered with God’s plan. And in that moment I understood exactly what kind of people judge a woman’s reproductive choices.”

What kind of people judge a woman’s reproductive choices? The kind that value potential life over living women.

If the goal is — as it should be — to make abortions safe, legal, and rare (b/c let’s just be honest and admit that no one gets excited about having a surgical procedure, please), contraception is key. Again: contraceptive use decreased by a third the number of abortions in two decades.

So, let’s talk contraception. Every major medical institution disagrees with the claim that contraception — even emergency contraception — causes an abortion. Jill Filipovic, a feminist writer recently hired by Cosmopolitan to tackle more serious issues in the women’s magazine, explains:

“The medical definition of pregnancy is when a fertilized egg implants into the uterus (more than half of all fertilized eggs naturally flush out the body, never resulting in pregnancy). Once an egg implants, Plan B and Ella cannot dislodge it or end a pregnancy.

This gets into some sticky territory, because the position taken by Hobby Lobby and many people who oppose emergency contraception is that life begins at fertilization, not implantation, and Plan B and Ella may interfere with implantation of a fertilized egg. Even if we accept that definition of pregnancy and abortion . . . there is no evidence that emergency contraception prevents implantation of a fertilized egg. Instead, it primarily works the way standard birth control does: By inhibiting ovulation and thickening cervical mucus so sperm can’t pass through. Fifth-grade sex ed was a long time ago, so a quick refresher: Pregnancy doesn’t happen immediately after ejaculation. It takes some time for the sperm to swim up into the fallopian tubes, and an egg has to be released to meet the sperm. Sperm can live in the female body for up to five days, and an unfertilized egg can sit in the tube for several days as well. That’s why emergency contraception works even a day or two after sex. Even after the sperm have been released, it can make it harder for them to get past the cervix, and then it can prevent an egg from being available for fertilization . . .

As for IUDs, the copper ones work essentially by killing off sperm before they reach the egg, and according to the latest, most reliable research, neither copper nor other IUDs affect implantation of a fertilized egg. Now, copper IUDs can prevent a fertilized egg from implanting if they’re inserted up to five days after unprotected sex, but the number of women who actually use IUD insertion as a form of emergency contraception is slim to none, given that the cost of the device and insertion can reach $1,000 and requires a doctor’s visit (which is exactly why it’s so important that IUDs be covered by insurance).”

There are those (I’m looking at you, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar) who refuse to use any contraceptive pill for fear that an egg will be fertilized and then unable to implant — although there is no way of knowing if and when that happens. Still, it’s their right to refuse birth control. The problem is when they, or other conservative Christians who believe as they do, try to limit the rights of other women to make their own reproductive choices.

The other problem? Hypocrisy. 

afternoon-visitSo often the people who fight so hard to limit women’s reproductive choices do not, themselves, offer to raise any of the unwanted or uncared for children in the world (there were 140+ children in my daughter’s Kazakhstan orphanage alone, and there’s an estimated 150,000,000+ orphans worldwide).

Most in my hometown community (proudly conservative and Christian!) reacted to our decision to adopt in one of the following three ways:

(1) my mother tells a family member, “Scott and Nicole are adopting!” and the family member replies with a gasp and “What? They can’t have their own!” (2) my grandmother tells her friend, “Scott and Nicole are adopting!” and the friend replies with a gasp and “What does her mother think?” (3) my mother tells her friend, “Scott and Nicole are adopting from overseas!” and the friend replies, “What if the baby has AIDS?”

I got a response similar to the AIDS one (but with FAS as the disease/syndrome of choice). Mom and I responded to both comments by reminding our respective naysayers that I would, in fact, become a parent with more info than most (e.g. a full medical workup and report) – to which my mother’s friend replied, “Well be careful – because they will lie to you over there.”

My mother’s friend, so critical of those people “over there,” probably couldn’t have picked out Kazakhstan on a map. At this point, though, Mom was more seasoned to such responses and said, sarcastically: “Well, then . . . if the baby has AIDS, I guess we’ll just put him on a boat and send him back.”

What do you do if  . . .? Why wasn’t the answer obvious? — especially to so-called “pro-lifers.”

And more hypocrisy. So often the people who fight so hard to limit women’s reproductive choices — especially LOW INCOME women’s reproductive choices — get royally pissed off when these same low income women have children who need to be supported through the welfare system. If they believe, as Michelle Duggar does, that “saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers,” they should jump at the chance to help any woman willing and able to bring a child/flower into the world with the caring of it afterwards.

To believe otherwise is pro-birth but not pro-life.

The final problem? A misunderstanding of both science and Christianity. 

What’s most alarming about the Hobby Lobby ruling is that it privileges religious belief over science in a way that affects the medical well-being of others. And it’s dishonest, because — even playing by their own rules (i.e. “The Bible says!”) — conservative Christians lose, because for every Psalms 139 and Jeremiah 1 (the “knitting in the womb” type passages) there is a Genesis 2 (in which man becomes “a living being” with first breath), an Exodus 21 (in which the fetus is not equal to the life of a woman), and Leviticus 27 (in which God tells Moses only to count as people those one month old and older).

Again, and again, and again — in issues of marriage equality as well as in issues of women’s reproductive rights, and more — we’re reminded of the fact that the Bible is contradictory, and rightly so: it’s a reflection of humanity’s search for and understanding of God, and reading it requires that we make interpretive choices about both God and morality. And those choices are our own, not to be imposed on others.

It’s time for a more grown up, sophisticated understanding of faith. Those who are still trying to hold on to Biblical literalism are no doubt thinking, “Mark 10! Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

So, we shall practice making interpretive choices. Maybe Jesus isn’t talking about heaven/the afterlife — because, you know, he was interested in establishing a kingdom of God not in heaven but on earth (a la the Lord’s Prayer). Maybe he’s suggesting that the way to make earth a more just, heavenly place is to accept those around you as they are, without judgment or prejudice — to have faith that most people are genuinely good and trying to do the best they can.

Or I suppose you can take “the faith like a child” thing more literally (i.e. that you should be like a child and think about complex issues simply). But, if you decide to keep a theological outlook that’s so stunted, at least do the rest of us a favor and remember that children are neither interested in nor capable of deciding political issues.

 

Dear Christian Evangelicals: Please Get Over Yourselves. Thanks.

Based on my Facebook Newsfeed the latest thing driving many Christian evangelicals to distraction is . . . the Grammys. Apparently, Natalie Grant, who was nominated for two gospel Grammy awards, walked out, because — surprise! — not all of the songs/performances were of the gospel/conservative variety. This isn’t what she said, of course. What she said was that she had “many thoughts” about the awards show, “most of which are probably better left inside [her] head,” and that she’s “never been more honored to sing about and for Jesus” — the implication, of course, is that singing about and for Jesus is becoming rare despite the fact that (1) there are hundreds of thousands of choirs in churches that sing about and for Jesus every Sunday and (2) doing so (i.e. “singing about and for Jesus”) has made Grant a very wealthy woman (i.e. not destitute b/c an unpopular career choice).

Natalie Grant walking out of the Grammys = Christian evangelicals claiming her as their bff. And so begins the speculation about which “shockingly unChristian” performances deserve the loudest protest. Some go straight for the opening number: the “shockingly unChristian” Beyoncé/Jay-Z performance, in which the two performers — a married couple — are very . . . ahem . . . into each other.

In response, Alyssa Rosenberg took to thinkprogress to argue: “if conservatives want to sell Americans on marriage, maybe they have to talk more about the bliss half of wedded bliss, to think about the desire part of making marriage desirable . . . the smartest thing they could do right now is to hire Beyoncé and Jay-Z as a product spokescouple.”

As the always-brilliant Natalie Leppard points out, the argument is null and void, in a way, since Beyoncé and Jay-Z are first and foremost performers. The song doesn’t purport to be about Christian marriage nor does the fact that they’re singing it mean that it’s about their marriage, any more than Robert Browning penning “My Last Duchess” means that he wanted to murder Elizabeth Barrett Browning (I had to explain this to a student once).

Still, I’m simultaneously horrified and thankful that such debates are happening, since they expose slut-shaming and victim-blaming rhetoric (the horrified-part), thereby giving us the opportunity to challenge it (the thankful-part).

Complaint #1: “I’m angry, because my children wanted to watch the Grammys, and I had to turn the channel.”

Response #1: The Grammys aren’t marketed to children. If children are old enough to be up at 8:00pm and beyond to watch the Grammys, they should be old enough to handle the conversations the songs and performances provoke.

Complaint #2: “I’m angry, because Beyoncé and Jay-Z are making people lust and therefore hurting them.”

Response #2: Don’t watch the Grammys if it makes you lust, and you think lust is bad — but don’t argue that because the Grammys makes you lust, it shouldn’t exist in the world.

Complaint #3: “I’m angry, because it’s Beyoncé’s responsibility, as a woman, to be modest and therefore prevent men from lusting.” (Dear Reader: I. kid. you. not.)

Response #3: Note the move to dangerous “blame the victim” territory here, just a step away from: “if a woman dresses ‘provocatively,’ she’s making a man ‘lust after’ her and is partly to blame for her rape.”

Also note: the Taliban makes ^this^ argument for burqas.

Fact: Women in burqas get raped too. You *never* blame the victim.

Even playing by their own rules (e.g. quoting Matthew 5:28), Christian evangelicals are wrong, and their argument (perhaps more than any other I’ve come across) evinces a misunderstanding of both Jesus the man and Jesus’s teachings.

As Matthew Skinner, Associate Professor of the New Testament at Luther Seminary, argues in “The Parables: Understanding Jesus’s Strange Good News,”

“Most of Jesus’ parables include a preposterous element or two. Someone apparently unaware of cost-benefit analysis leaves 99 sheep alone and vulnerable in the wilderness to look for one that got away. The reign of God grows from a tiny seed not into a magnificent cedar but into a mustard shrub, an invasive plant — certain to stick around but a serious nuisance to our carefully planned landscaping priorities. A father whose son has utterly disgraced him not only welcomes the loser home but spots him from a distance and runs to embrace him. (Dignified men did not run in antiquity. At least, not unless they were in athletic contests. Or something was chasing them.)

That is, there’s always something a little off in these parables. The parables are not mere moralisms, exhorting people to tidy up their lives. They are ways for Jesus to announce realities about life with God that are at once familiar (his listeners knew well how it goes with losing sheep) and radically different (absurd, from the perspective offered by conventional wisdom). Those are the places for our imaginations to linger and consider what kinds of comparisons the parables encourage us to draw between our status quo and the desires of God.

A shepherd who walks away from 99 sheep in the wilderness to locate one is irresponsible, a fool. Could it be that God’s commitment to humanity is so all-encompassing that it appears recklessly obsessive, utterly frustrating to our typical methods of moral and religious calculation?

A parent eager to forgive a wayward child is a welcome sight if you’re the one who’s returning home, but the neighbors will grumble about the dangerous consequences stemming from authority figures who behave so indulgently. Could it be that God’s willingness to forgive and restore is so overwhelming that God will risk the chance of being made to look like a chump?

Jesus’ parables are supposed to be weird. Their atypical elements are supposed to rattle us — not simply because strangeness possesses motivational shock-value, but because what Jesus announces is genuinely unsettling.

The parables, like a poem wielding a poignant metaphor, rouse our creativity from the patterns imposed by normal expectations, especially religious ones. Jesus’ parables make us consider life and our place in it differently. They make us dream of outcasts getting seats at lavish banquets, and the trouble this can cause.

Their point isn’t to summon us to the heights of a single, otherworldly meaning. In lively and even uncontrollable ways, Jesus’ parables prompt us to imagine how God, in the here and now, surprises and even subverts our regular perspectives and convictions about what’s possible.

And all this usually strikes people as rather absurd.”

In this particular Facebook debate, Christian evangelicals use Matthew 5:28 to argue that “anyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So . . . we as women shouldn’t make it so easy for men to lust after us.”

No.

Here, Jesus is doing what he does best. According to the context, the religious leaders of the day were wanting to stone women for adultery and allow men to divorce their wives on a whim (thereby leaving them destitute). Jesus turns their judgment on its head by saying that if you so much as *think* lustfully, you’ve committed adultery.

This would have struck his audience then and should strike us now as absurd. To be condemned not for action but thought? It’s Minority Report:

Sexual desire is essentially human, and Jesus knew that. He was making everyone “guilty,” thereby exonerating accused women. In creating a situation where no one could throw stones, he was defending women, protecting them, saving their lives — NOT condemning them.

Fast forward to 2014 and his acts of compassion and mercy are being used for condemnation and judgment of women and their sexual choices — the very thing that he, in a brilliant rhetorical move, defended publicly.

In the sermon “Getting in Line Behind the Prostitutes and the Traitors,” Dr. Roger Ray admits: “I realized many years ago that the Jesus of the gospels was tolerant of everything except intolerance. He was a friend to tax collectors and sinners. He hung out with prostitutes and the rejects of society but the only people he ever insulted, yelled at or condemned were religious leaders who passed judgment on others and that is a consistent element of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.”

So, dear Christian evangelicals: if you want to be offended, fine. Be offended that people go to bed hungry, that children in countries devoid of child labor laws make your clothes, that an obsession with cheap meat has made animal cruelty the norm.

Otherwise, get over yourselves. After all, as my Natalie (Leppard, not Grant) says: “unlike [you], the Grammys are being gracious and not coming into [your] churches and saying, hey, you look sexually repressed, so here’s some overtly sexy stuff for you to wear now or you’re going to burn in hell. It’s all Puritanical bs.”

Amen.